


Forgiveness

by LilBittyMonster



Category: Critical Role (Web Series)
Genre: Angst, Caleb is trying out this whole opening up to people thing, Gen, I've had this in my head for three days, Kinda, episode 18 spoilers, talking things out sometimes does work
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-05-18
Updated: 2018-05-18
Packaged: 2019-05-08 10:38:34
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 713
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14692476
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/LilBittyMonster/pseuds/LilBittyMonster
Summary: Caleb decides to tell the rest of the Mighty Nein his story





	Forgiveness

A cold silence filled the room as he finished speaking. Caleb fidgeted nervously with the hem of his coat, feeling the gazes of his companions weighing on him keenly. 

“Well, so much for the Academy,” Fjord commented into the space. 

“Ja, that is...probably a good idea,” Caleb said quietly. 

He looked up hesitantly at a loud sniffle, and saw Jester looking at him with wide eyes filled with tears.

“Caleb,” she sobbed, the tears spilling over her cheeks as she leaned forward to embrace him around the shoulders. He froze in place as she continued to sniffle into his shoulder, casting a frantic glance to his left at Nott. 

“Y-you spent a...decade? In that place, all alone?” Jester asked brokenly as she pulled back. 

Caleb nodded. 

“No one to talk to, or keep you company, or read to you, or sing to you, or……..Cal-” she broke off on another sob, leaning forward once more to hug him.

“Jester, dear, why don’t you let the man breathe?” Mollymauk said gently, pulling her back by the shoulder.

She sat back and wiped at her face quickly. “Right, right, sorry.”

“I understand if the rest of you no longer wish to travel with me, I will not hold it against you,” Caleb continued. 

“I’m sure we’ve all done things in our past we’re not proud of, Caleb,” Fjord said evenly. “I know I have. You won’t find any judgement from me.”

“I already told you I’m with you all the way,” Nott said from his side, giving his hand a quick squeeze. 

“Beau, you’ve been uncharacteristically quiet,” Fjord commented. Caleb felt her shrug next to him. 

“Don’t really have anything to say that I haven’t already.”

“That you haven’t already, what does that mean?”

“I already told her everything. Last night,” Caleb clarified. “Her and Nott.”

“I asked him why he was afraid of fire,” she added.

“Bit underhanded, don’t you think?” There was an edge of steel to Mollymauk’s voice.

“Hey, to be fair, I was expecting like, his house burned down or he burned his hand on the stove as a kid, not……” Caleb saw her gesture vaguely out of the corner of his eye. “All that.”

“I just have one question for you,” Mollymauk directed at Caleb. “Would you do it again, would you make those same choices as the person you are now?”

Caleb raised his eyes in a rare moment of eye contact. “No, I wouldn’t.” 

“Then that’s good enough for me,” he replied with a firm nod. Caleb’s gaze moved from the red eyes to a dangling piece of jewellery. 

“Yasha, anything to add?” Fjord asked, leaning around Molly.

“I think,” she began slowly, “given the circumstances, you are not totally to blame, Caleb. You were purposefully mislead and used.”

“But I still did it, I still made the decision,” Caleb burst out in exasperation, “I am not a good person.”

“Listen to me, Caleb, and listen to me carefully,” Mollymauk said. “I’ve seen you do some not-so-trustworthy things, but I also know you’ve got my back, all our backs when it counts. You care about and protect Nott.”

“You gave me all that money from the spider in the sewers,” Jester interjected.

“And you taught me all the spells I know,” Nott added.

“And you give me lights to kick ass by,” Beau reiterated. 

“I know none of us are truly good people,” Molly continued. “Well, maybe Jester is, but that’s beside the point. Point is, you, Caleb Widogast, are not a bad person.”

“I do not deserve your acceptance,” Caleb asserted quietly. 

“You might, you might not, but it’s there anyways.”

Caleb sat, processing, and everyone sat quietly with him until Fjord cleared his throat.

“We’ve had a long day, why don’t we all retire for the night?” he suggested. 

“Yeah, we should probably do that. I am tapped for spells,” Jester agreed. “Sorry for crying all over your coat, Caleb.”

“It is fine, Jester. They’re just tears, they’ll dry.” His smile felt more like a grimace, but she smiled back anyways as they all went their separate ways.

After setting the silver wire Caleb slipped off his shoes and collapsed onto the bed, falling asleep almost instantly. Thankfully, the dreams didn’t come that night.

**Author's Note:**

> Liam O'Brien gave me so many feels last week, I don't think I'll ever recover. Have this small piece of catharsis.
> 
> Come say hi on [tumblr](lilbittymonster.tumblr.com)


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